Whether I’m on the clock or the couch there is a phrase that seems to have become synonymous with my life as a certified Computer Nerd. It doesn’t matter if its a remote support call or an onsite service visit more and more people have this tendency to say the same thing to me. As soon I’m ready to start clicking away or tapping keys all anyone ever says to me “Work your Magic”…

Every time I hear the words “work your magic” it rips my soul a little bit more into two pieces. On one hand I completely understand that its an endearing term used to represent someones confidence in my ability to make something happen on their computer. They don’t understand why their computer is being such a whiny bitch but they know I do and I’m about to make to make it behave by doing something super tricky and complicated and they appreciate the efforts and the mechanics behind it.(Who doesn’t love a good magic show right?)And I’m torn because I don’t wanna be that dickbag that can’t take a genuine comment of encouragement and not appreciate it.

On the other hand I absolutely can’t stand when people say that to me. Why is that you may be wondering? Because unfortunately when a good chunk of people are literally stupid enough to think what I do is actual magic (my I.T. degree didn’t come from Hogwarts you asshats) it actually tends to keep me from doing anything even remotely helpful. What I do is science and the skills required to wave to a magic wand or pull a rabbit out of a hat, are completely different from the skills I need to get rid of the fatal error pop up you know nothing about (insert Willem DaFoe science meme here).

How does the perception that I.T. work is magic keep me from fixing things you may wonder? Let me provide you with an example from my past. While working for one of the major corporations I worked with I had a user whos hard drive completely fried in his laptop. The data loss wasn’t such a huge deal because 90% everything done on the computer was cloud based and getting all his data on backup was no challenge at all. The problem came upon the realization that without a hard drive, this guy didn’t have a computer.

Now you would think that a 9 figure a year international corporation would have ways of keeping downtime to a minimum. Well…the best anyone could do was standard 3-5 day shipping for the replacement hard drive. The company was not willing to just go grab one from a local shop since it was virtually free to get the drive from the computer manufacturer (9 figures a year folks…too cheap to pay 80 bucks for a hard drive). This was right around the time the whole company was switching from windows 7 to windows 10. Funny thing about taking several thousand computers and attempting to upgrade them all in one fell swoop…shit broke Haaaaarrrrddd. As a result of all the breakage that was happening. The I.T. department didn’t have any loaner laptops left. Which all boiled down to one simple truth…this dude was out of work for 3-5 days because he literally couldn’t do any part of his job without a laptop.

So I didn’t blame the guy for being upset. Of course anyone would be pissed if they were put out of work for a week for no better reason then the computers busted. But where I drew the line was his insisting that I find a way to make sure this never happened to him again…It took every ounce of will power I had not to look back at him and tell him dead to his face “I already know how to make sure this never happens again and its actually quite a simple fix…stop…using…technology” (Free I.T. Pro Tip: Your hard drive is going to die…maybe in 12 years maybe tomorrow…and nothing other then pfm, can change that)(PFM=Pure Fucking Magic).

So now we get to the philosophy portion of the post. As an I.T. consultant I do not expect anyone that uses technology to know everything about it. Hell I get paid for what ultimately boils down to 2 reasons: People screw up, and things break. But there is definitely a certain degree that I do expect people to understand the concept of “how things work”. If your computer, laptop, tablet, smartphone whatever is busted and your asking someone (ANYONE) to fix it here are a few things you need to understand.(Spoiler warning: its not magic)

1. You may actually have to follow instructions from the person trying to help you…not everything can be done over the phone or from across state lines.
2. Just because your computer is capable of alot of things, doesn’t mean it can just start doing those things without being told how to do them first.
3. They may need to see something that needs one of your passwords. You should never have to tell it to them but you might need to punch it in for them.
4. All problems need diagnosed to some extent…sometimes diagnosing a problem can take half a second, sometimes it can take half a day…or longer…even if it doesn’t seem like that big of a problem there may be more contributing to the problem then you realize.
5. Not every problem has a find-able source. There is a source to every problem, but sometimes finding that source would take more invasion, time, and resources then it would take to just be grateful your technology is fixed.
6. Sometimes you need help because you accidentally did something you knew you weren’t supposed to. Own it…it’ll save you both time and in most cases money to admit you goofed…even if the goof was a REALLY goofy thing to do.

There are plenty more examples I could make but the idea here is that if this was magic…none of the above would be true. And when people actually do think its magic and they fail to understand the things above…it tends to kill someones ability to fix a problem.

Not only does recognizing I.T. work as magic hurt the actual ability to fix something it also tends to lead to false expectations. Not too long ago at my current position someone asked me to make sure that if he brought his personal computer from home that it would be able to access all his company’s files. I could certainly make that happen but he expected me to do this before his laptop ever made it on the property and expecting me to do this all without any input from him. This wasn’t possible thanks to how the domains were set up for his company and instead of understanding that the work he was asking was more complicated then he wanted to understand he then proceeded to throw a temper tantrum about how much we sucked at our job.

I’d like to take a second to make sure I’m not contributing to a misunderstanding. Certain people who get paid to work with technology…shouldn’t be getting paid to work with technology. Not every tech support agent or computer nerd gives a damn about your problem. I have worked professionally, with plenty of people who I feel are threats to their own well being for no better reason then they are just that fucking stupid. Lack of knowledge isn’t dangerous in and of itself but refusing to educate is a whole different animal.

At no point do I claim to be the best technician on the planet. There are plenty of people I’ve met who could run circles around what I know about technology and the things I’ve seen when it comes to the job. But as a general tip on how to deal with someone working with your technology here are a couple of practices I try to stick to for my clients and customers

1. I have to know big fancy words to be able to do what I do…that doesn’t mean my customers have to know them. I try to explain everything I find and everything I do by comparing it to something simple enough that anyone would understand. (Just a little side note here…this I feel is the single most underrated skill a technician can have. My life and job get INCREDIBLY easier when I can tell someone whats happening in a simpler way)
2. I’m not scared to tell you that I don’t know something off the top of my head but I never leave the conversation with that. If I don’t know what I need to know to solve a problem I always make sure to stress that I will get what I need to know.
3. I avoiding “guessing” at all costs. From time to time I do have to make a “logical guess” about something but I will not do that without explaining my logic first.
4. I know that when my customers and clients come to me its because they have a problem with their technology…not because they are mad at me. I give everyone the chance to throw whatever they want at me first. If I make strides and efforts to fix the problem instead of disengaging them and they don’t let off the attitude that’s when I tend to lose compassion for what they really want.
5. I’m not scared of the phrase “I’ll take my business elsewhere”. Losing a customer sucks but I’m fully confident that if you take your business somewhere else they may do it cheaper but they won’t do it better.
6. If I say that I can’t make something happen its not because I don’t want to do it for the customer…its because I don’t have a way to do it for the customer. If I’m caught between a bad idea and a forced situation I will explain the risks involved and let the customer make the choice how they want me to proceed.

Let us also consider if we believe Tech work to be magic then it stands to reason that anyone who can do “magic” can do multiple forms of it. This is one thing that has plagued the I.T. community for a little while in my own opinion. I have multiple certifications and enjoy having them completely and fully (cept Linux). But all too often anymore everyone expects their problems to be fixed from a single source. Is my smartphone dropping calls? or do my apps keep freezing up? These used to be issues two different people with different specialties would need to look at. Too many companies anymore try to pinch too many pennies on this stuff and frankly their customers are losing more on them then they are saving on themselves by not paying multiple specialists to do the work.

It used to be okay to be a hardware expert without knowing much more then basics of software. Try to get a job like that today and you’ll find out pretty quickly how no one will even read past this on your resume. Despite the climate of being employed in an I.T. field if you want to get anywhere you have to be a jack of all trades. Why is that? Cause its magic folks…thats how technology works…its not multiple scientific concepts working in tandem to create a system capable of super fast mathematical calculation, its just PFM.

So how does this affect you as a user? Well folks not everyone is a total dipshit just because they are good at one thing but not another. Being impatient or short with someone because they don’t understand one part of the job as well as the other doesn’t mean they arn’t good at what they do…it means people tried to hire a scientist but instead got a magician.

Bottom Line: The next time you call tech support or ask a friend to help you with something about your technology remember that what you are asking them for is special knowledge that seldom comes from just experience. They have to approach what they do with a scientific mind and can’t just waive a magic wand to make shit happen. If you really care about whatever it is they are trying to do there are things that can help and things that can hurt. They may be doing what they do for the paycheck…or they might be doing it because they give a damn.

Bottom bottom line: Next time you need help with technology be patient and understanding. Its science, not magic.